Everyday was exactly the same
he went to school & hung out with his friends
but each night as he lay in his room
the monotony of the day ends
he examines the scabs on his wrists
and picks at them until they drain
the misery of being a nuisance
the agony and the pain
it drips onto his blood stained pillow
as it has the many nights before
and he promises that from today forward
he will not do this anymore
but he had made the same promise
each of the previous days
and each and every night in bed
the same scene rewinds and plays
he would not have to do this
if he did not hurt everyone around
he tries to blame it on something else
but a scapegoat cannot be found
he must feel the same pain
that he has made all the others feel
he knows that he needs to stop being selfish
and tomorrow he must do this for real
so he goes to school this final time
and tries his best to act okay
he goes right home to seclude himself
after the bell rings for the end of the day
so he says hello to his mother
and heads into his room and to bed
he sits down and reaches for the phone
because he has something to tell his best friend
"hey, its me," he says in a calm voice
"I just wanted to say, I love you, man"
he puts down the phone and grabs his Gillette
and finishes out his final plan
300 people at his memorial service
none of which ever even knew
because he didn’t want to bother them
with what he was going through
so now his friends all sit frozen with shock
because a boy they loved is no longer here
his sprinkled ashes are far off in the ocean
but in their hearts, he will always be near

u cannot change how i am

trust me, i have tried

i've secluded myself from the world

only able to see the tears i cried

but being the selfish person

that i have found myself to be

i refuse to be miserable

and wallow in my agony

so everyone who i am close to

has a chance of being stuck by pain

yet each time this happens

my heart, it does drain

so for me, i hope you see

there is no chance to win

i am miserable either way

and as i sat and scratched my chin

i decided to enjoy myself

as much as i am able

and not focus on the future

thus to live my life unstable

i'm sorry to cause this

major storm in your life

because i swear i did not do this

one bit to cause you strife

so, friend (i hope i can still call you that)

i really love you dearly

you might not believe me, but i apologize

for not thinking clearly

I once thought I knew myself

Everything I was feeling

Had a clear reason

And everything I did

Had an apparent cause

But lately I have not been so sure

My confidence in myself

Has slowly drifted off

Into the world

That I have not yet explored

So to retrieve it

I must do things

That I don’t know I can do

And I must set aside

The luggage I have brought along

And enter this new world

Empty handed

And open minded

So please don’t get mad

If I do something wrong

Because maybe

In my previous existence

It was ok

And I was not aware

That its not appropriate here

So I ask you to guide me

And help me to find

The thing that I lost

And cannot manage

To be without it for one more day

Because without my confidence

I am not able to be

The person that I have been striving for

Each day of my sinful life

So into this world

I cautiously step foot

And take the risk that there is no support

Where I am about to put my weight

And I may fall toward the ground

But I have already hit

The rock bottom of my old world

And I hope that in

The new residence

There with be cushioning and open arms

To take the pain out of my fall

Because it is assured

That I will once again slip

Out of my head

And into my heart